Damn near four years removed from my undergraduate commencement and a career, financial stability and passion for my work are still things I'm chasing. I've wasted so much time because for years I told myself to go after the things that looked good on paper: a lawyer, a teacher, blah blah blah. I made myself believe these were things I wanted to do, and maybe a small part of me wanted to be either a lawyer or a teacher but I'm not sure that a person who doesn't really like kids should be responsible for educating them (shout out to a certain 6'6 basketball player for reminding me of that minor detail). And just because I like being right, proving people wrong and making them look stupid when I do it doesn't mean I should be a lawyer either (that actually just makes me kind of a jerk but whateves). So what do I do now-- now that I know what I don't want do? Don't get me wrong, I like my job and the people I work with but I'm not challenged; not to say I need to be working on a HIV vaccine, but frankly speaking I'd be easily replaced. I mean the office wouldn't be filled with laughter and joy if I wasn't here but the work would be done in just the same matter! The same is true for so many of my peers and for generations before mine (shit, it's true for my Mother). There are so many people working at jobs that simply pay the bills, but no one is actually doing what they love! I guess it's been my reality because I was never really sure about what I wanted to do and when I did figure it out (just recently) I thought something like that could never work for me. Everyone has heard the corny sayings, "choose a job that you love and you'll never have to work," or career seminars entitled "How to do what you love & love what you do," or some crap along those lines; and that's exactly what I thought it was--crap! How could I do something that comes naturally to me and make a living doing it? It just didn't seem realistic; of course a baseball or basketball player could make that a reality, but that couldn't be true for the everyday Jane Doe, right?
I think what it boils down to is the fear of failure. The potential to fail when you're relying on your own talents, on your own abilities is so great that most people don't even attempt to explore them. Fuck up at work and maybe you'll be on the shit list with your boss for a bit, maybe you'll even get written up but at the end of the week that money'll still be deposited into your account. Fuck up when YOU are your business, and that can be the difference between making it and not making it. And now that I've finally figured it out, now that I'm no longer concerned with what people think, how it looks on paper or the fear of failure (ok, I'm still scared of failing but...) I'm ready to give my dream a shot. I'm looking into some schools to "hone my craft" as Big Booty Judy would say, and I'm really excited about the possibility of actually "doing what I love and loving what I do."
So what about you, are you loving the work you do? Is where you are in life the place you saw yourself being at this point? Have you tried to make your dream a reality and failed? Have you tried to make your dream a reality and succeed? I'm scared, but I'm ready to at least try. What do you think?
Later folk...
I think what it boils down to is the fear of failure. The potential to fail when you're relying on your own talents, on your own abilities is so great that most people don't even attempt to explore them. Fuck up at work and maybe you'll be on the shit list with your boss for a bit, maybe you'll even get written up but at the end of the week that money'll still be deposited into your account. Fuck up when YOU are your business, and that can be the difference between making it and not making it. And now that I've finally figured it out, now that I'm no longer concerned with what people think, how it looks on paper or the fear of failure (ok, I'm still scared of failing but...) I'm ready to give my dream a shot. I'm looking into some schools to "hone my craft" as Big Booty Judy would say, and I'm really excited about the possibility of actually "doing what I love and loving what I do."
So what about you, are you loving the work you do? Is where you are in life the place you saw yourself being at this point? Have you tried to make your dream a reality and failed? Have you tried to make your dream a reality and succeed? I'm scared, but I'm ready to at least try. What do you think?
Later folk...
I totally support what you are saying and get it 100%. Now is the time to do what you love and love what you do and be the best you can be and be orange and yellow and a bit blue...if you don't go for what you want now, one day you'll wake up making travel arrangements and ordering office supplies for a living. You have the talent and moral support to go for what you want...so merde, Miss Shanae'...and remember, you DO NOT want to walk a mile in nobody's balled up shoes ;-)
ReplyDeleteThanks Sue, the balled up shoe comment gets me every time-- I'm over here cracking up.
ReplyDeleteWow! Seriously relatable more than you'll ever know...
ReplyDeleteI am nowhere near where I thought I would be. And for a very long time, I struggled with where I thought that was. It took a while but I finally stepped back and looked at the landscape of my life and found that even though I was very lucky, I was unable to appreciate that for some reason. I felt like I was always chasing happiness but could never catch up to it. I was lost so much so that I never knew what direction to point my feet in which led to, at times, my never taking a step. And then, my whole life fell apart. Really fell apart. And do you want to know what I learned? I learned that having life hand you your ass helps you gain some perspective. It motivates you to move. You learn that life is short and that you deserve for it to be brilliant and amazing and fulfilling and that you can absolutely make that happen. That's what I'm doing today. My blog is a huge source of pride for me and had I not made a series of what I thought were wrong turns, I may have never written it. You can do anything you put your mind to S. I really believe that. The sky's the limit. I forget who said it and this is not the exact wording but, happiness doesn't depend upon who you are or what you have, it depends solely upon what you think. I say go for it. All the way and don't look back!
ReplyDeleteGreat blog this is really touching, I can really relate to this. I'm not exactly where I want to be in life, as a matter of fact I never seen myself being in the military. I always wanted to own a business, I'm not big on working for others you know I'm lazy lol. I agree failure is very frightening when that is your only source of income; so much that most of us don't even attempt. I see myself owning a business one day but right now my responsibilities are too great to risk failure. I have 2 mouths to feed and I put their needs above mine any day. What it boils down to is can you stand the risk. If you can go ahead but you have to give it your all. My cousin had a small restaurant in New York. Which I thought he would have did pretty well with but he was scared of failure. So he decides keep his job and he relied on others to run the restaurant and they ran it into the ground. I believe that if he would have put his all into it he would be doing pretty well right now. I’ve made sacrifices in my life for my kids and maybe I’m not doing what I set out to do in life. There is a greater joy for me and that is seeing them happy. Their happiness makes everything in my life feel right.
ReplyDelete>So what about you, are you loving the work you do? Is where you are in life the place you saw yourself being at this point?
ReplyDeleteThis seems to be the quintissential question in life. It seems hard to believe that doing what you love could truly sustain you financially sometimes. I have a part time job at a kitchen store, where I get scanty hours and often spend more than my paycheck on merchandisein the store. I have come to realize that a certain part of that job is fun for me, and while it does have its benefits, by and large I do it for fun. However, that is nothing like a career, and at this point i am not where i thought i would be...BUT...i also look back and think, what the fuck did i even know when i thought those things? And then, it all just goes in a circle. I say throw it in the "fuck it" bucket and K.I.M. New adventures to be had. Other ways I was blind to before. At the end of the day, you still have to define yourself to you, and be cool with what you are seeing of you.
>Have you tried to make your dream a reality and failed? Have you tried to make your dream a reality and succeed? I'm scared, but I'm ready to at least try. What do you think?
Sure. It kinda sucks, but then you always wonder, did i really try hard enough? I wonder if i will really realize i succeeded, when i do. I think a lot of the time it really might be about the journey and not the destination.
A job is nothing but work? So true and I couldn't have said it better myself. We as Americans have been taught to go to school, get good grades, get a degree, and find secure employment. In my opinion, nothing is further from the truth. I believe a person should go hard for what they are passionate about, and keep the persistence and motivation at a high level until success is achieved. This is what I believe separates the employers from the employees...I'm an aspiring entrepeneur myself so I subscribe to this mentality religiously. I'd rather struggle doing something I love than to "make ends meet" while miserably making someone else financially independent.
ReplyDeleteYou'll end up "living" your life realizing you haven't lived at all...
ReplyDelete